Making a choice

I had the opportunity to speak to the Women In Intel Network this past week, and it was glorious. Just glorious. There were about 200 to 250 women in my breakout session and I shared my Seven Practices to Find and Follow Your Authentic Voice. I can only say I was in the zone, and they must have felt it based on their response.

At the same time, I have a very difficult situation happening with another client. One that has become, it seems, a power play. Very unfortunate. I keep trying to resolve the situation, but it just doesn't seem to shift. What that means to me -- it's time to surrender. Surrender to what is and let it play itself out. To recognize that there is purpose in this situation, and surrender to the will of the one. The one being everything that is coming together to create this situation. While doing so, I want to have compassion for myself, and try to be on good terms with others while staying true to who and what I am -- a valuable, loving, talented, precious spiritual being having a human experience.

It's funny how both of these things are going on at the same time in my life. I get to look at what feels good, and what doesn't. How I contribute, and how I don't. When I step back and get perspective, it's actually kind of funny. In the end, it doesn't matter, not really. Both of these situations will pass, and I will still be here. The same loving essence. The same human being.

Becoming conscious of the beliefs that drive our lives unconsciously, and making a different choice, this is what part of this is about, at least from my point of view. What it means to others, I don't know. But, I do know that ultimately, it's all good.

Love,

Andrea

Leading

I have been working on a project for almost a year now. I can say, without hesitation, this has been one of the most challenging projects I've taken on. Actually, one of the most difficult. From the beginning, it has been two steps forward and one step back. Sometimes just steps back. Throughout this project, I have needed to change course, let go, start again, create new solutions -- it has been a roller coaster ride.

At one point, I stopped and asked myself, where is the love? Where is the fun? Why am I doing this? My answer: There is a purpose, I just don't know what it is.

Oh, there are the obvious reasons: support the others involved, make a living, create something new, make new connections and relationships, and maybe just because I can.

This project has required me to step into leadership in a way that I haven't before. Taking on every new challenge, inspiring others to give and trust, and leading through my own actions -- the demand for leadership during this project has been intense. Most of the time, I think I've handled it very well. Sometimes, I didn't, at least not to my thinking.

Now, we're nearing the finish line. Things continue to change and adjustments need to be made. Even now, I am not completely sure how things will turn out. But I know this project will conclude. I will have met my commitment to the best of my ability. It will be exactly as it has to be.

What has been the purpose of this? I'm not sure. Yet.I have experienced wonderful gestures of love and generosity throughout this time.

One thought I have is this: Just because you can lead doesn't mean it's yours to do. Think about that one.

Love,

Andrea

Sunrise

I'm looking out my window right now and I see a beautiful sunrise. The sky is yellow-pink. The trees, all green and brown, are still. It is peaceful.

I think this is the truth about life. This moment. Whatever it includes. Right now, it includes a beautiful sunrise, and peace. That makes me smile.

No matter what else happens today, I can pause and remember this sunrise. I can pause and reflect on this radiance. I can breathe in that peace.

Love,

Andrea

In the flow of love

I want to share something with you that is going to seem, to some, to be pretty out there. However, it is what happened, and I for one, think it is amazingly inspirational and gives us all reassurance and reason to trust life.

Yesterday I had a challenging conversation with a client. It kind of came out of the blue for me -- one of those times you get a little blind-sighted. I had anticipated talking with him about our project and doing some brainstorming to deal with some challenges. What happened was very different. He was agitated about some actions I had taken and was aggressive in his tone and desire to point some things out he was not happy with. He said he was not criticizing me, that he was in part responsible, and asked me not to take things personally, but to have a professional conversation with him. He thought he was being "business-like," and he probably intended that. While we did go through some necessary, practical matters, I felt his fear and his anger beneath the surface. His energy was intense and forceful. He was "taking control" of the situation. I did not feel supported to find new solutions or move forward. Not at all.

I struggled to not get into the drama. After some initial resistance to what he was saying, I surrendered to the direction he was taking the conversation, even though I too was experiencing anger and hurt. I chose not to argue, and not to defend myself, even though there were many things he said I disagreed with, and even though my ego wanted to. I know he was frustrated with my refusal to engage. It's just that I knew I was not in a space of love and so could not create something positive. I needed to just do my best to get through the conversation without reacting or adding to the negativity. That was my responsibility. The funny thing is, we both wanted the same thing ultimately -- success for our project and all the people involved.

I felt the aftershocks of that conversation for the rest of the day. This is a wonderful reminder to me to realize how powerful we are with our words and our energy. Several times, I had to check myself to see where my intention was before communicating. I know that the energy behind one's communication is the most important thing, and if one is upset, that is what is communicated, no matter what words we use. And while my ego might want to be "right," that is not what I want. I want to create harmony, peace and positive action.

I tried to get into a better place during the day, but I continued to feel shell-shocked and wanting to blame. I know that's not the "real" me. Last night, as I was lying in bed, I asked for help. I asked the angels to be with me. I think of that song, "Calling All Angels." That was me. I thought, if you're out there, now's the time. I asked them to help me to detach, to let go of the drama and fall asleep. Within a few minutes, I remembered to look deeper for the love within every situation. So I asked for the ability and insight. Within moments, I felt myself in the flow of things, deeper, part of the essence of life, letting go, and realizing that while I do not know the purpose for what was happening, I could trust that what was happening was exactly what needed to happen. In fact, the way it has to be. I felt peace, and a little bit of gratitude -- what a change. I then felt compassion, and saw the turmoil for what it was. Fear.

As I was falling asleep, in that in-between place, I felt a presence on my shoulder -- like someone was touching my shoulder. At first I thought, I am dreaming, because I was in that state. But, maybe not. Maybe the angels were there helping me to remember I am not alone, and helping me realize love. Then I had a dream that I was being taken up a mountain in a national park on one of those bicycles that you ride in that someone else pedals. I was singing.

Today, I am remembering this as I embark on some conversations. I choose to be in the flow and trust what is. I am not resisting life. I am participating. However something looks, we are in the flow of love. Do you feel it?

Love,

Andrea

Birthdays

When did having a birthday become a bad thing? That might sound like an odd question, but for me, lately I have felt less celebratory, and more blah. I guess it's not really "bad" as much as "hmmm."

It started three years ago when my dad died. It was one of those "significant" birthdays, and it was a non-event. The important thing was gathering in the hospital room with my family members, literally watching my father pass away. My birthday is September 9. He died on September 15. I understood then that "it wasn't about me," and I do now. After all, my father's passing was a huge event in the life of my family and celebrating a birthday, well, just didn't matter.

Last year, I went through feelings of abandonment when my dear friends seemed to forget my birthday and I created my own birthday celebration. As it turned out, they didn't really. So, why all the drama?

This year, it has been lovely, really. My son and many friends have shown up and celebrated, and it has been sweet. I am so grateful for these beautiful souls. My life is so full.

So, why feel bad? Well, I shouldn't say bad, really. Just not good. It's because I'm getting older, and starting to realize my earthly mortality. It's because every year, it seems my body is losing a little bit more elasticity. It's the fear of aging, of losing my youth (going, going, gone!). I think it's also a reflection of our cultural values. Women are seen as less valuable as they get older. It's a crock, but it's there. It's part of our societal consciousness. So, my job is to not buy into that.

Aging is also a solo journey. The last couple of nights, I have had dreams of being alone. One was in a medical situation where the medical professionals disappeared. One was on the ski slopes where my friends disappeared. I enjoyed the skiing, though! Something I don't enjoy in "real life."

I had a friend notice this trend recently. Her words were, "it seems as if you are having difficulty with your birthdays over the past few years." I hadn't noticed until she said so. I have another friend who has just given up on birthdays altogether. Maybe that's the answer. It is for her.

Here's what I do know: this is another opportunity to dig deep. To find the love that lives beneath the surface. Eckhart Tolle says this is an opportunity to disengage from the identity we have created and allow our true light to shine through. To cast off the illusion of this world -- this body -- and be our true selves. Okay. I wasn't really ready for this yet, but okay. He says when you just say yes to what is, you create an opening for something sacred. Okay. I'm good with that.

So, as I see it, this is another opportunity to embrace my true self and live in love. To just say yes to life and all its beauty, in all its forms, and squeeze every bit of life out of the moment that I can.

So, if you have experienced this, or are also in the process, let me know your thoughts and feelings. I'd really like to know

In the meantime, Happy Birthday!

Love,

Andrea

Allow this moment to be

Eckhart Tolle said something on one of his CDs that really resonated with me at a deep level. He said, "Allow this moment to be. Just be." So I did. In that moment, my mind became still, and I felt peace. Just by letting the moment be, as it was, without needing it to be any other way, brought peace. It was that easy. And in that moment of stillness, I recognized how easily we are pulled away from the present moment by our thoughts. We think they are real, when what is real is the present moment. That's all there is! And being in the present moment, we are connected to ourselves at a deep level, and from there, we can receive information and inspiration that will guide us to actions that will be in alignment with the flow of all things. This information and inspiration I call the authentic voice.

Living this way takes discipline and trust. Getting caught up in our thoughts is so seductive. I call it mental weightlifting, because it requires always coming back to that moment and allowing the thoughts to subside. It's amazing how attached we are to our thoughts! Most of which don't help us one little bit.

Try, right now, just letting this moment be. This moment. See how that feels to you. I have found not only peace, but gratitude emerge in the moment. And, of course, love.

Love,

Andrea

Moving us all in turn

You know that song by Elton John, The Circle of Life? I had never really bought in to one of the lyrics in that song, "the kaleidoscope moves us all in turn." To me, that meant that we each get our turn at living whatever purpose we have, and that it happens as a matter of course. Having been a "type A" personality for most of my life (and it still lingers!), I had always thought you had to make your life happen. You don't sit by and wait for life to turn your way.

Now, I'm rethinking this. I am actually finding life turning my way a lot more recently. Many serendipitous moments are happening that are creating possibilities, some very unexpected. Now, this is not to say that I haven't spent time working toward certain goals. And part of my work is learning how to access the authentic voice, listen to it, and make my decisions based on it. That opens a lot of possibilities. It's just that, it seems as if the energy has opened up and opportunities are showing up that I had thought were no longer options. I actually found myself thinking, perhaps it's my turn, my time.

This sounds mystical, I know. And I certainly don't know the outcome of any of this. It does remind me of the movie, Forrest Gump. His last question was whether or not we have to make our own destiny, or whether we are just kind of floating along like a feather on a breeze, and things play themselves out. His conclusion -- a little bit of both. I tend to agree.

I know we have a lot to do with how our lives unfold by where we put our attention, our energy, our resources. Our ability to stay present and be open to new possibilities, our willingness to step into opportunities when they present themselves -- these all play a huge role. I also think that there is that other part of the puzzle -- the force of nature, the universe, God -- however you hold that -- that also moves us all in turn.

When we look back on our lives, we often see a theme. Something that has come up over and over again. For me, it has been about finding and following my authentic voice, which is why I have created my work around that. I've also recently realized that sharing these experiences of love, and creating community, are also part of my theme. Perhaps that's what this circle of life is all about. When you connect with your authenticity -- that love within you -- life opens up and it's your turn.

What's your theme?

Love,

Andrea