Feeling lonely amongst a crowd

Have you noticed how so many things can be going well, and yet, our ego self becomes focused on the thing that is not going well?

I recently returned from the National Speakers Association Convention. What a great trip! It was held in NYC, and of course, full of energy, professional speakers, rock and roll, and lots of new and familiar friends and acquaintances. It was a wonderful experience on all counts. I came home rejuvenated, if exhausted, and ready to expand my world. I felt a shift inside -- a new commitment to create new opportunities to speak and go to conventions because it is so renewing. I loved being around optimistic people who want to make a difference in the world.

All was going well. And then, Monday night, during the awards ceremony, I started to feel lonely. I was amongst over a thousand people, and I felt all alone. I was at a table with four other people, and knew none of them. I struck up a conversation with the gentleman sitting beside me, but he didn't reciprocate. We just sat there. I think part of it was watching everyone else "seem" to have such a great time, and I'm sure many were, but I wasn't. After about 45 minutes, I decided I'd had enough and went to find my roommate to tell her I was leaving. On the way, I ran into a good friend who was sitting up at the front. She called me over and I told her I was leaving. Upon hearing this, her table host invited me to sit with them. So I did. Once again, an angel appeared just when I needed it.

After the ceremony, I found my roommate and we went up to the room to clean up before the big dance. It was then that I had a meltdown. I just sat on my bed and cried. I'm sure a big part of it was the culmination of days of activity, little sleep, too much food and drink, and just being in so much energy. Also, I was feeling so lonely. She was so understanding and supportive. She listened and after I was done, she encouraged me to go with her to the dance. So, I dried my very red eyes, and we headed downstairs.

The dance turned out to be such a wonderful outlet. I really let go. The place was packed and we danced for two hours. We then went to another party, where I met a number of nice people and learned about their businesses. I wandered back to the room around 2 a.m.

This is not my everyday life. I can't remember the last time I did that. Yet, it was so necessary to blow off some of the pressure I had been feeling, to connect with other people, and just have fun. It was then that I understood a couple of things which I now think about each day: Focus on compassion over criticism, and let yourself be vulnerable. I had been judging myself that night. And, when I let myself be vulnerable and shared that with someone, I was open to support and it came.

We can all feel lonely in a crowd, all judge ourselves and forget that we are unique, wonderful beings. I forgot that night. Thank you, all you angels out there, for reminding me.

Love,

Andrea